The first was that you could see the house I lived in from the window of the classroom where I studied every day. It wasn't as though I never had a chance to stand by the window and look outside.
Why did I not notice it?
Why did I not see it?
I had seen it, of course, but I did not consciously recognize it -- basically, the reversal of the logic that "he who has suffered the aberrant is drawn to it".
I think I might have pushed that house out of my own consciousness.
However, another thing I had not known was the unexpected amount of shock I would feel when that house burnt down -- I was dumbstruck.
To the point where my mind went blank.
It was a terrible blow.
It seemed Araragi-kun held the misconception that, as a human being, I had a good hold of myself -- but like others, I had my destructive impulses. Ever since we experienced that nightmarish Golden Week, he had placed too great an amount of trust in my humanity -- or no, perhaps he had unexpectedly been turning a blind eye to it -- but to be clear, I myself had wished countless times that 'a house like this should just disappear'.
But I hadn't thought that it would actually disappear.
Or that I would feel such a sense of loss when it did.
It was not affection of any sort.
I never even considered thinking of that place as my house -- I might have said so by accident, but that was just a self-delusion.
However, it was the unshakable truth that emotions were once attached to such a delusion.
Was that a good thing, I wonder?
I had been deluded.
Yes, that was the truth.
Or was it a bad thing?
Both seemed possible in their own ways, but at this point, it was too late for either.
After all, it had already been lost.
The house in which I had spent fifteen years,
was now lost for eternity.
Disregarding the fact that I had been late, I requested that I be allowed to leave early to Hoshina who of course approved, and I ran home like Kanbaru-san in spite of myself, to find fire engines and spectators milling around the scene, the fire having already been put out.
The fire had been extinguished.
And everything was gone.
Not having spread to the neighboring houses at all, the fire burnt the house to ashes with nothing left standing.
The one silver lining in this situation would be the fact that this would be extremely advantageous when collecting our fire insurance.
It was unpleasant, but it was also the most important matter.
Wait, that's not right.
The most important matter was of course our safety -- but there was nothing to be concerned with on that front. I was at school, and it was highly unlikely for the other two whom I should call my parents to return home in the morning.
Of the three of us,
not a single one thought of this place as our home.
It was a place, not a home.
But I guess this means that the Rumba was burnt, and I mourned for automatic vacuum cleaner that had gallantly woken me up every morning.
I mourned for it, more so than for the house.
Now, aside from the Rumba, quite a lot of things were burnt, or rather, everything was burnt, but, well, as I was nothing more than a mere high schooler, I had not owned much in the first place, so in that regard there was no reason to be bothered.
I could say that all my clothes being burnt would be a bother, though.
Or perhaps it was the same for the ones whom I should call my father and mother -- they probably had nothing important in the house, as well.
They probably left the things important to them at their working place.
I would think so.
This house,
was not a place to leave important things in.
They would be defiled.
Well, in any case, there were many things I had not known -- and there were many things that, after the house burnt down, I realized for the first time.
Although I had not met him directly, perhaps this would be what that swindler, Kaiki Deishuu, would call a well-deserved lesson.
I didn't know.
I didn't care.
It didn't matter whether I cared or not -- the fact was that I had been cast out into the streets.
And while there were places where I had gone to during days off, not because I wanted to but because I hadn't wanted to stay in the house, it would truly be a blessing now to find a place where I could spend the night -- but in any case, thanks to this, the Hanekawa family will now have a family dialogue, something we have not had for a long time.
'Dialogue'?
No, even I can imagine that this sort of thing is not called 'dialogue' in a normal family.
It was nothing like a family meeting.
We merely exchanged our opinions.
But none of us received anything.
Naturally, many troublesome formalities resulted from our house having been just burnt down -- but as of right now, even the reason for the fire was completely unknown. Chillingly, even arson was being suspected -- this was a long-term problem, and there was nothing that a child like me could do, so what we discussed today was also the most pressing question at the moment, which was to say, 'where we were to sleep tonight'.
We had nothing like relatives on whom we could rely on living nearby, so of course, there should have been no room for discussion at all, and we ought to make our way to the nearest hotel -- but that in itself was a problem to the Hanekawa family.
The biggest problem or, you could say, the only problem.
We had not slept together in the same room for a considerably long time.
I of course slept in the hall, and even though they were husband and wife, they had separate bedrooms. A hotel room would already be quite expensive, and we would need to have a second and third --
"I'll be all right. I'll stay at a friend's place."
Before the discussion could become too involved, I said this.
I announced.
"It's a good chance for the two of you to have some alone time together, as a couple."
I said, having already understood that my doing this, not out of principle but because of how I truly felt, was due to my terrible inhumanity -- during Golden Week, I realized that this was what's wrong with me.
I did not want to spend the night in the same room as these two.
Even though I clearly understood that this was how I felt, I prioritized it as lowly as I could -- I knew,
just how unnatural that was.
It was barely within the scope of humanity that I could think of this fire as a 'good chance'.
That was what Araragi-kun and Oshino-san had taught me.
That was my lesson.
Of course, I stood where I was right now, not having made the best of said lesson at all -- but I felt that I should return the two of them to how they should be.
That was the feeling I had.
It would be fine if I could just give those two one last chance before I become an adult, after which they intended to immediately divorce.
So I thought.
Taking everything into account, it would take several months to rebuild our completely burnt house, so in the few weeks until they could rent a house, with the fifteen years the two of them had had together -- things might work out.
I thought so.
It crossed my mind.
I wanted to think so.
The two consented readily.
They did not stop me from staying at a friend's place. In fact, they were clearly delighted that I suggested it myself.
But of course.
The two of them together alone was better than the three of us together alone, so perhaps they were thankful for this fire, in terms of how it got rid of a nuisance for them.
They were delighted by what I had done.
I myself must have been quite insane to have found happiness in that.
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